Q: How can Recovering Couples Anonymous help our relationship?
A: We in RCA know the many ways we have hurt ourselves and our coupleship. Often we have not had the foundation or role models to help us know how to live in a healthy relationship. We recognize that neither our love nor our relationship have been ideal.
The RCA principles are tools that have been guides to spiritual progress, rather than perfection. RCA helps us to help ourselves. We have found the support and hope in RCA to build deeper intimacy and to live free from destructive behavior.
Q: What are the tools to help us in our recovery?
A: We have found that working the program means using the available tools one day at a time. The most important tool is attending RCA 12-Step meetings. Here we learn how the program works, how to practice the 12 Steps together as a couple, and how to replace old unhealthy behavior patterns with healthy ways of relating.
We share our experience, strength, and hope with other couples. We learn how other couples have used RCA Tools in their daily lives. The tools include the RCA Blue Book, couple sponsors, the telephone, contracts, literature, service, affirmations, playing together, resolving conflicts, and finding spirituality and balance.
Q: How do we know whether the RCA program will work for us? Can RCA save our relationship?
A: There are no guarantees. We have found that there are no problems that you have experienced that are not common to many of us. We recognize that the purpose of RCA is not to keep couples together at all costs. Working the program as couples may lead some to the conclusion that it is healthiest to separate. The tools, the support, and the recovery experience are all there for you. The rest of it is up to you together, and your Higher Power.
Q: When we leave the meeting, what happens then?
A: The best advice is to keep working the program. Sometimes an idea, thought, or question brought about by the meeting may arise later. It is important to respect our partner’s boundaries, and to ask permission to talk about an issue. Each of us must feel safe so that openly sharing with each other will foster the trust and nurturance our relationship needs to grow and endure.